Ch 2 Rites of passage
Cultures throughout history have had rites of passage for boys to begin the transition into manhood. After the rite of passage has been performed the young men now know that they are expected to take on the responsibilities of a man and do so according to their cultural expectations.
Take the Vanuatu people for instance. Their young men and boys perform a ritual, or rite of passage by jumping off of one hundred foot towers. Vines that are tied to their ankles are the only thing stopping them from diving head first into the ground. The young boys around ages seven or eight are allowed to jump from shorter towers to prove that they are maturing into young men. A mother will often hold an item that symbolizes something significant in a boy’s childhood. After the jump has been completed, the mother will throw away that item signifying that the boy is maturing and is placing his childhood behind him. As the young men age, they dive from taller and taller towers to prove their manhood until they are fully accepted as a man after diving off the one hundred foot tower. There is no specific age for this ritual. It depends on the maturity level of the young man as to what age he completes his rite of passage. (1)
If that is what it took for me to prove I am a man, I would never be considered a man. As crazy as this ritual is, it aids the young men in knowing when it is time to take up the responsibilities of a man. After completing their ritual they can hold their head high with the satisfaction of knowing they have just completed childhood. Now they knowingly confront manhood and begin their journey of becoming a man.
In our culture, however, we do not have such defining events in our lives. We are left to subtly transition from childhood into adulthood. There is not a line in the sand that we can look to, or a tower we can jump off and say “There’s the moment I became a man.” That is why countless young men struggle with starting the journey into manhood.
The subtlety of the transition makes it difficult for parents to let go also. In the Vanuatu ritual the mother is also a part of it. She is the one to throw away the item that represents childhood. The mother of the Vanuatu boy is proclaiming to the world and more importantly to her son that she accepts him as a man now. She will expect him to begin acting accordingly.
I have witnessed countless times of parents not wanting to let their “little chick” out of the nest to fly on his own even though he may be 23 years old. Not a “little chick” anymore. Don’t get me wrong-I know parents love their kids and want to help them in every way possible, but that can have negative consequences for their child if they are not strategic about their approach to helping their children.
The reason why so many young men struggle today is because they don’t know when it is time to leave childhood behind and venture into manhood. Often times this cannot be blamed on the young men. They have had poor models, if any model at all, of what it means to be a man. They think what they see in movies and TV shows is how a real man is. They believe the lies of popular music lyrics telling them men treat women in a degrading ways. They simply are confused due to lack of a positive influence.
Young men today need an example of what it means to live a truly manly life. The church has let us down, our parents have let us down, our government has let us down, and the culture has let us down. Leaving us no choice but to turn to the one source that will never let us down.
References
1 ) https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/13-amazing-coming-of-age-traditions-from-around-th/